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Sunday, March 6, 2016

Postpartum (Day 11)

I realize people do not want to read about my postpartum schtuff, or anything else that I blog about for that matter, but these are things that I want to remember, so to the blog they go. I guess I could be better at personal journaling but, I am not, so the blog it is.

So warning, there may be a little TMI, but I have no shame, its all part of the postpartum experience! Also, I dont want to sound like a total downer, but these are the feelings and things that I am experiencing and don't want to sugar coat anything because these are the thoughts and feelings that I want to remember in the future when I look back on all my experiences. 

Today is day 11 postpartum. I am feeling pretty good! Tired, but good! My bleeding has stopped, since day 7 there were a few spotting incidents but I think I am pretty much past that part of things, thank goodness. I feel like I am healing pretty well. I used the postpartum spray that I made for the first week and a half or so and the padcicles as well. The one thing I did this time around was let three at a time sit out for several hours before using them, because it was just a little too intense for me personally, but once they were thawed out, they were SO relieving and felt really good on those swollen areas! And Id like to think that they helped with the swelling and healing. 
I also used some Tucks medicated wipes as well as the flushable wet wipes after I was done with the peri bottle, but still apprehensive to wipe. The flushable wipes were really nice to have and I will want to remember those for next time! 

In total, I gained 40 pounds with this pregnancy (same as with London). As of day 7 I was down 20 lbs and today (day 11) I am down about 22 or 23, so I have just under half to go, which is nice but I then have a good 10-20 lbs after that that I would like to lose. We booked a cruise to Mexico for our 5 year anniversary, (our anny is in July, but with a new baby, we booked it for Nov) so I have a goal to lose a total of 50 lbs (or more) by then. I will be hiring my trainer Suzy, who I used in Provo, but since she is in Provo she will be emailing me weekly workouts starting in April. That, coupled with nursing, I am looking forward to shedding this extra weight and have a really exciting trip to motivate me! I am however feeling very self conscious about this belly blubber that you have right after having a baby! The loose skin and loose abs are not the most attractive thing, but I realize, and have to remind myself, that it comes with the territory. I am loving being able to paint my own toes again and once I choose to do so, I am sure I will love shaving my legs comfortable again lol!

We have been very grateful for the people who have come to visit, and meet baby Tate, as well as all the people who have brought meals. We had a solid week of meals brought in by family and ward members that was so nice and very helpful. We still have a freezer full of meals as well that I made while I was pregnant, so we are set for meals for awhile, which makes things easy meal wise! All we need now is someone to come and wash our dishes lol ;) 
Time to start on the thank you notes!

As far as Tate goes, she has had jaundice. Luckily not as bad as London's was, but none the less, it has stressed this mama out. She was tested 3 times, and her levels were 13, 14.6 then back down to 13. At 16 is when they send the lights home, so luckily they didn't get that high. She hasn't been pooping well, which is how they get the bili out of their system, so I will be sure to have the Dr. check her levels at her 2 week check up on Wednesday. She was pooping regularly the first few days, getting all of the meconium out, but then she went 4 days before she pooped again, then another 4 days after that (today), both of which were blowouts! That is how London was as well (minus the blowouts), so it might not be anything to worry about, but it certainly doesn't help my anxieties with a newborn!
My milk came in late, and when it did, in very small qty so her doctor suggested I supplement with formula until my supply could fill her needs. That was of course really hard for me, but after a little emotional melt down, I went ahead and started supplementing with formula. I just wanted to avoid what we went through with London in her first few days.

To be honest, the newborn stage is extremely stressful for me. It was with London and it has been with Tate. Aside from feeling like I have to check on her constantly to make sure she is still breathing, in those first few days as a mom, you are dealing with bleeding, healing, soreness, no sleep, extreme hormone changes, lack of milk to feed, excruciating pain while nursing, jaundice, worrying about the amount of poopy diapers, making sure people aren't bringing in their germs and sickness as they visit, the list goes on and on. Don't get me wrong, I am in love with this tiny little love, and enjoy having her here, but the adjustment period is necessary before things start to feel normal again. Slowly your hormones start to balance out, and you feel less need to constantly make sure they are breathing, the nursing gets better, and less painful thank heavens, but in the mean time, there is definitely an emotional melt down or two. Or three =). I have had my share, and thankfully Brock is always there to say the right things, even when the brunt of my meltdowns are placed on him (sorry babe, thanks for being understanding and patient!). It's definitely a stressful time on everyone. But the newborn stage doesn't last forever! Brock goes back to work tomorrow, after a week and a half off and it will be just the three of us! Pray for me lol

As I mentioned above, nursing hasn't been easy. My milk came in late and I am pretty certain that she didn't get anything for the first 3 days of life, hence the jaundice. It finally came in slowly, and is still not fulfilling what she needs, so I am pumping as well as supplementing still. It is slowly getting better though, much less painful and her latch is great which makes all the difference. That was the main problem I had with London, she never did latch properly so with Tate latching correctly, as long as my supply can fullfill her needs, I am confident that I will be able to nurse much longer than I was able to with London. Fingers crossed. 

London seems to be doing well with the changes and adjusting to having a sibling around, but who can be sure. She has been gentle and soft with her, and hasn't shown an over interest in her. She has been so helpful and sweet. One thing that I did not know to prepare for was mom guilt. I have been extremely overcome with guilt and sadness/emotion for London and the lack of attention and one on one time I have been able to give her. That coupled with having to say NO a lot more and being short with her, has me feeling anxious and wishing I would have known to prepare myself for that. I have been trying to make special time here and there with her, painting her nails, letting her sit with me and play with my makeup while I get ready, reading and singing with her, and just trying to make little moments with her. It is a lot harder to do tho when you have a newborn that needs you much more than your two year old, and will take some getting used to. I only hope that the mom guilt fades away as Tate gets a little older and I am able to balance the attention a little better. 
Another thing that I was not prepared for was how much bigger London would feel after having a tiny baby around. I knew she would seem huge in comparison, but feeling her little body against mine is all a sudden so different. The first night I picked up London after I had Tate, I could almost barely lift her! It literally felt like I was trying to pick up a 4 year old! It made me realize that my baby was officially not the baby anymore and she is growing. I wish I would have held her little body close a few more times and really soaked her up before we brought another little life into the picture.

Again, I don't mean to sound like a total downer in this post! We are all adjusting to this new life as a family of 4 and having a newborn around. We all love her so much and are so glad she is here and a part of our forever family. She is so sweet and I can't wait to watch her grow and develop and share a relationship with her big sister! It will be so neat to watch them as siblings!