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Thursday, November 10, 2011

the ugly truth


birth control:
not only does it control birth it also controls you.

a couple weeks before i got married i started birth control.
i had no previous experience with it before so i didn't know what to expect other than the possible weight gain.
that was the only thing i really heard about as a possible side affect.

i only wish i had known that i would have the side effects that i ended up having.

after we got married i started noticing changes in my moods, in my demeanor, in my attitudes, in my over all personality.
i was short with my sweet new husband.
in arguments i would storm out. (which i have never done before ever)
i would start arguments out of sheer frustration over the smallest things.
i was a big B word for the first two months of our marriage. to put it lightly
i had no idea where this was coming from.
i didn't feel like myself.
i cried myself to sleep multiple times a week.
i started questioning my position in my marriage and if i could even handle marriage.

this was all shocking and very painful to experience.
i started feeling depressed (which is a word i hate and avoid using)
but here i was really starting to feel that.

i chalked this jumble of emotion up as
having a hard time to adjusting to marriage.
which didn't feel right because i have never had a hard time adjusting to anything.
i adapt to things and situations in life very easy.
but for some reason this wasn't so easy.


all the while i had the most understanding husband.
he was so caring and sweet and when i would burst into tears for no reason he was there to hug me.
he would say " it's ok i understand people need a good cry every now and then"
he was understanding even when i didn't understand what was going on with me.

i felt isolated and felt alone even with an amazing husband by my side. and was worried about the person i was becoming and why this was happening.

one day on  a blog post i mentioned something to the effect that i was having mood swings and that i was having a hard time adjusting to marriage.

someone commented on my blog and said are you on birth control? maybe that's the problem.

immediately a light went off.
that HAD to be it, i thought.
 so i started doing some research.
i was quickly astonished and relieved when i found forum after forum about birth control that had women talking about and saying the exact same things i had been feeling and experiencing.
i suddenly didn't feel isolated or alone.
i had an answer and a reason to this madness.

i immediately called my doctor, who couldn't see me for another MONTH!
so i'd have to wait.

but i couldn't wait. i was so sick of the way i was feeling, that i decided to stop using my birth control.
not to have babies, but to start to feel normal again, i couldn't wait until i saw my dr.

the change was literally like night and day. once my hormones balanced back out, i was back. i felt like i could breath again. i felt like a huge cloud had been lifted.
i was happy again.
the only problem was, now i was not on any birth control, and i felt like i had lost the first two months of my marriage.
sad, but true.
i felt like our marriage started off on  a bitter note because of the way i was feeling.
but things definitely turned around.

i went and saw the dr and she told me that it was more than likely the estrogen that was making me feel crazy.
she recommended an estrogen free method which was either an IUD or what is called Implanon, which is placed in your arm under the skin.

I opted for the latter and now have a small rod in my arm that acts as birth control.

There are still similar side effects, and i have started having slight mood swings, after being on it for a couple weeks, but NOTHING like what it was before. hopefully it stays that way.

i hope that this is the method for me, and that it works for my body and my hormones.
it's the last thing to try to if it doesn't work, then i guess its time to start having babies!
which is a whole new bundle of crazy hormone problems that i don't think we are quite ready to experience.



4 comments:

  1. I know one hundred percent what you are talking about. That is why I dread going back on it after each of my babies. I am thinking of doign the arm one after the last baby. I am glad to her things are going better.
    Lacey

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  2. Oh my gosh! I felt like I was reading my own story. I had the same experience when I first got married. I'm glad you figured it out. I hope the Implanon works for you. Good luck cutie!

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  3. Yep the exact same thing happened to me. I hate birth control. Not to mention it is at fault for giving me candida overgrowth because it kills off all the good flora in your body. And now I have horrible cramps, acne, and digestive issues that I never had before. I think birth control is the devil and I wish I never went on it. I have been off of it for over a year now and I am still dealing with the repercussions. There are other ways to prevent pregnancy. I will never go back on a hormonal birth control again.

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  4. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, I was lucky enough to have it not effect me at all, but my sis-in-law tells me stories about that happening to her too. One day she was pretty moody I guess and her husband went and grabbed her birth control and threw it in the trash and that was that she never went back on. There are other methods of birth control that have no hormones in it you could always try too. Good luck I hope the new stuff is working better for you!

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