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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

it's been decided...

ive had my sulking period.
my sobbing for hours on end period.
my feeling bad for myself and taking the role of victim period.

and now im done.
there is absolutely nothing i can do to make this situation better.
so i need to pick myself up, control the things that i can control, and let go of the things that i can't control.

brooke posted this on her blog and this is exactly what i need to do.... let go of what i can't change.

i was watching a pbs program (checked out from the library of course)
about the heart. there was a couple stories of people who have heart failure and are on a waiting list with 3000 others to receive a new heart. suffring from health complications all along the way.

it made me realize that even though i am completely devestated by this situation,
im lucky to have everything that i have. and even though there are things i dont have that i wish i did, like photos from my wedding day, i still have alot.

i have great health, and don't suffer from anything in comparison to what millions of people have to suffer.
i have an amazing and caring and compassionate husband who can always calm me down, just by talking, he takes my mind off the things i dont want to think about. and makes me smile when i dont want to.
i have great family and friends who support and love us very much and who are great examples to me.
i have the gospel in my life and the comfort that gives me.
i have alot.
and things will be ok.

thanks to everyone for all your MANY expressions of love and support through this.
I have had many many people express their care and support through facebook, blogs, emails and texts.

i sound like someone has died, i know. but again, thats kinda how i feel.  

here is the extent of them...

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

am i dreaming?

i woke up this morning hoping that this was all just a bad dream
but as soon as i realize i had big red puffy eyes and could barely see, i realized this is my reality.
my unbearable, devestating reality that can't be changed. 
it just cant be changed.
i have never been in a situation that couldnt be fixed, or that i couldnt get over
how do i get over this. 
i told brock last night that i feel like someone died.
and that is exactly how i feel. 
(i dont mean to belittle the situation of losing someone, for those of you who have) 
but this is how i feel.

i called in sick today because i just burst into uncontrollable tears every 5 minutes. 
how can i get those moments back.
how can i recreate the emotion expressed on our newly wed faces.
how can i remember all the people that were at the temple to greet us as a newly married couple.
i was so wrapped up in my joy and excitement with my new husband that those moments just passed by in a flash. i don't have the pictures to remind me who was there filled with love and support for us.

im just sick.
if anyone has a dose of magic that can fix this for me. im begging you.

Monday, August 29, 2011

your wedding day...

you know, the day when all your dreams come true.
all eyes are on you
you have just married the man you will spend forever with
everything goes perfectly.
your friends and close family surround you with love and support.
you have a photographer there taking pictures to catch these special moments that you will cherish forever.
moments that you will show your kids and grandkids.
moments that you will never get back. you will never relive, except through these beautiful pictures. 

once your wedding day is over you immediately start looking forward to getting your pictures back.
you display them proudly in your home.
you post them on face book, on your blog, you send them to your mom.
you look at them over and over again, remembering your perfect day.
generations will see these pictures.

if you're married, you know what i'm talking about. 
and if you are married you might be able to understand the devestation and horror of having your photographer call you to tell you that he has lost your wedding pictures. 
they are gone.

thats what just happened to me.

my worst nightmare has come to fruition.

why me?

Thursday, August 25, 2011

blog love

i'm sharing some blog love..

i don't even remember how i came across this blog, but i did and im glad i did.

i can't pinpoint what it is about this blog that has drawn me in.

is it the way she writes, and the expressive and descriptive words she uses?
is it her BEAUTIFUL photography that she shares with her readers?
is it her sweet little girls?
is it the fact that she lives in paradise?

probably all of the above!
it's no wonder she has so many followers.
it is definitely a good read and if you aren't already a follower i suggset it

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

ready or not....

brock starts his first class today. he is taking a couple classes to prep him for the gmat exam
im not ready to lose him two nights a week.
i think ive gotten to used to having all the time i want with him and have been spoiled.
now school takes over.

im supposed to start school today, but all my classes are full so im on dang waiting lists.
hopefully i get at least one or two.

today is our last full day of work for the week! we are heading up the canyon with the Norton clan.
should be a fun filled weekend of volleyball, pingpong, hiking, enjoying nature and more!

btw my pizza actually turned out last night! it was pretty yummy and i was pretty proud of myself. 
i think im ready to move on to home made bagels!!

p.s. wedding pics may be in the near future! crossing our fingers.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

51 days...

is how long we have been married.

and instead of getting excited about weekend plans with friends, or socializing to increase my chances of 'meeting someone' in my single days,

i'm now getting excited over things like a successfull rising dough!

i'm a wife now, and i get excited over dough. yep.
who would have thought.

but i wouldn't have it any other way!

i think i have been cursed with my dough and bread making skills. as you may have learned.
but last night, i decided to try my hand at pizza dough!
and it was actually a success.....
well, so far...
the dough is for tonight so i had to freeze it, which i have learned is suppsoed to stop (or slow) the rising process.
but it didnt.
we took the dough out today and it was bigger and kinda expanded out of the seran wrap it was in
(it was also in a freezer bad so im hoping that protected it)
so its in the fridge, thawing out for our dinner tonight.
hopefully it works out!
but at least i got it to rise!
thats an accomplishment for me in itself!

i wasn't born with the cooking and baking skill set and didn't grow up with it either. and it doesn't come naturaly to me like some of you lucky ones.
so im learning this all on my own,
its a slow and somewhat painful process but i'll get it eventually!

hopefully by the time i have kids!

do you guys have any tips with rising dough? if so,  i'm all ears!

Monday, August 22, 2011

camping....or not.

so remember when i said we were going camping, and i was soooo excited

here is how our camping trip went.....

we rushed home from work at 4 so we could get up the canyon as early as possible to get
a first come first serve site.
we packed everything up,
(brock had mostly everything done by the time i got home. yep, he's THAT husband... amazing.)

in our rush,
 im pretty sure i asked brock about 15 times if he packed the lighter,
i managed to grab both cameras, and no memory cards,
i forgot the GPS, which we were going to use for 2 geocaches,
my camping bag had spiders in it,
i forgot my toothbrush
 (or so i though, but of course my huband who doesnt miss a beat packed it for me)
and we rushed to the store before heading up the canyon.

only to arrive and find that ALL THE SITES WERE FULL!!!!

total bummer

better luck next time.

Monday Motivation: a week off...

well this last week i didnt do my work out once.
pretty dang dissapointing.
good thing this is a new week. im dedicating myself to work out at least 3 times this week.
we are going out of town on thurs and i dont know if i will be able to do my workout after wed. but i have a 4 mile hike planned that will count for one day, so ill see what else i can work in.
actually now that i think about it, i can just take my laptop and do my workout from my computer.
so we'll see if i get more than three days in.

starting weight: 153
last weigh in: 151
this week: 151.5

thats a gain of .5 lb.
i guess i expected to have gained more than that casuse i havent done anything for a whole week.
hopfully next week will be the week i make it into the 140's!!

thats my goal for this week. wish me luck motivation!

any tips or tricks out there that ya'll are holding on to, send them my way!

Saturday, August 20, 2011


you may have noticed, 
(or may not have noticed, if your like me and you read all your blogs through google reader) 
that i gave my blog a little facelift.
its pretty simple and clean, just the way i like it (and horizantal stripes which im a.d.d.i.c.t.e.d to). 
im still working on making the header a little more exciting but this is it for now.
 let me know what you think. and suggestions are always welcome! 
in fact i encourage them!
 i searched online for hours on how to get a cute header. and ended up making my own. if one of you have header secrets (or any other blog design ideas) you best be disclosing them here SOON! 

speaking of searching things online...
google seriously baffles me. 
anything i need to learn, its literally at my fingertips.
i dont know how people did things before google and the internet. how sad is that.
i learned a few graphic design tips and tricks while figuring out this while blog design thing. 

thank you.. 

Friday, August 19, 2011

sleeping outside tonight...

 we're are going camping!
i love camping and haven't been forever! brock and i have never been camping together, so this will be a first with my boy. im excited.
he isn't the biggest fan.
have you heard jim gaffigan talk about camping. it's pretty funny
he calls himself "indoorsy"... brock is "indoorsy"
but he is looking forward to sleeping in the cold!

tinfoil dinners....
cool night cuddles....

...and im fairly certain that brock will want to tell ghost stories. cause thats just what you do.
and ill say no, cause i get scared over EVERYTHING lately (at night).

for a good friday laugh, go watch jim gaffigan talk about camping here

what are your fun weekend plans?

oh, we also have our first house guest coming to stay.....
mom norton! 
it's fun to have a 'guest bedroom' that we can put to good use with outta state friends and family. 
she is going to break it in this weekend!

happy friday!!

Monday, August 15, 2011

sometimes i feel like a....

crazy b-word. and i probably am

recently brock and i got rid of my phone and i am using his now (and his phone number) saving us like 90 bucks a month.
its been great.

before brock and i got married he deleted all the girls phone numbers from his phone.
probably cause he knows im a crazy jealous b word when it comes to other girls.
but that was sweet of him to ease some of my crazy jealousy.

anyways since he deleted his numbers and im using the phone and since we are still newly marreid, sometimes (like hardly ever) random numbers will come up.  today i replied to a text from one and said "hey whose this?"
the reply was a girls name.

um ok he is married now girl. leave him alone.

its taking every thing in me not to release the b-word in me (cause its there)
and reply to her.

luckily my sweet husband just reasures me that he doesnt care who it is and doesnt care to reply or have contact with the girls from his past. yet im stil crazy about it. poor boy!

gahhh. tell me that im not the only one like this please!!

or maybe i am and i just have issues. you can tell me that too.

Monday Motivation: Measurements

A friend of mine posted a comment last week on my monday motivation post with a great point and suggestion.
im ALL for suggestions so keep em coming!
she suggested taking my measurements since sometimes you actually gain weight when you are excersizing because of the muscle mass, and muscle is more dense than fat.
i googled how to take measurements correctly and here is what i got:

What Exactly Should You Measure?

The most common measurements include the circumference of your chest, biceps, waist, hips and thighs. Sometimes the neck, forearm and calf are also measured.

Chest: Measure around the largest part of your chest.

Biceps: Measure midway between the top of your shoulder and elbow.

Waist: Measure at the narrowest point, approximately one inch above your belly button. No cheating! Don't pull in your belly or stick it out.

Hips: Measure your hips around the largest part of your buttocks with your heels together.

Thigh: Thighs are measured separately. Stand with your legs slightly apart. Measure your upper leg where the circumference is largest.

so i of course went home and measured meself. here are my measurements:

chest: 35"
bisep: 11"
waist: 30"
hips: 41"
thigh: 24.5"

i will post my measurements again in about 8 weeks
after reading some reviews on the shred im glad i did my measurements because most people are noticing the biggest diffrence in their measurements (not weight loss).
check out the link below for where i got the measurements. there is alot of helpful information.

I forgot to weigh myself this morning. i woke up late and had a handy man coming to fix something this morning so my morning was all thrown off. Ill have to weigh in tomorrow and post my weight here tomorrow.
i dont feel like i've had a loss. all i wanted to do yesterday was eat! we'll see!
Starting weight: 153.5

Last week weight: 151
This week:   coming soon
Total weight loss: coming soon

the shred is getting geasier and easier. I think by the end of this week i will move on to level 2.

{measurement source}

Wednesday, August 10, 2011


its been a while since i did one of my random thoughts posts so here it is

1. my husband speaks spanish and when he does, i think he is even sexier.

2. i think i have figured out the reason to my unstable emotions lately that i mentioned here.     BIRTH CONTROL not marriage like i so naively thought! so dumb. did/do any of you have this same problem?

3. i keep saying that i am going to give my blog a makeover and i still havent. i hate the way it looks and im scared to mess with it in fear i might really mess it up! but i want cute fonts and crap.

4. where has summer gone? i havent even been camping ONCE! hopefully that will change this weeknd as brock and i have tentitively planned our first cmaping trip together. hope it actually happens

5. i SUCK at cooking

6. i forgot what it was like to be in a family ward, and its talking me alot longer that i thought to adjust. i miss the singles wards where fast and testimony meeting was just that. testimonies. not young woman age girls talking about the pranks they played on eachother all week at girls camp. (no joke thats what our sacrament meeting consisted of.) 

7. speaking of young woman age girls, i am SO glad that i wasn't called into young womens. that age group of girls and me just would not work well together. i feel so rude saying this (cause i am) but they just bug the crap out of me : /  and yes, im sure when i was that age i was JUST as annoying and though i wasnt. i feel so bad for all my young women leaders now.

8.  blogging=happiness

9. i have become a regular reader and journal writer (both of which i love to do)! marriage is doing wonders on me

10. still hate using punctuation and capatalizing words when needs be. that will never change.
deal wid it yo'

11. school... i can't even go there right now.

12. the names people are coming up with these days for their babies are rediculous. life for reals. i cringe at some of them and feel so bad for the kids who receive them.

13. life is good

14. why do i feel like winter is just around the corner? im already DREADING it. like fore reals. i need to somehow plot a scheme to get me and my husband out of this state in the next couple months before that white crap starts falling and i can no longer wear flip flops. someone help me plot this!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

this is how we do.

since brock and i have no cable and no internet
we have found a love for the library.
we go there and come home with stacks of documentaries.
i've never EVER been one to sit and enjoy a good documentary, but surprisingly i really enjoy it.
ive learned alot.
and i get excited about the next stack that we will come home with every time we go.  
the library is like a block from our house.
the other night we walked over there so i could get some blogging in. it helps my random bouts of
while brock looks through the documentaries for the next stack to check out.
i love the library

Monday, August 8, 2011

let it be known

i cant cook. or bake for that matter

this week i had the highest of hopes.
lots on the menu.


jill made these look so fantastic, and this is one of brocks all time favorites.
cinnamon rolls.
i thought what a good wife i would be if i could make these for my sweet husband.
no such luck.

these arent just a quick little thing to whip up.
they take time and effort.
which i had.
they also take baking knowlege and skill, which i dont have.
so needless to say, they didnt turn out.
my dough didnt rise like it should have.
and they also came out hard.

my cooking/baking credentials are very limited and i want to change that.
but this kinda crap is getting me no where!

you better believe there will be another attempt at these. and hopefully they turn out better next time around. if they do, ill be trying these. i tasted these first hand and they were delicious.

lesson learned this weekend:
 upsets in the kitchen can be very discouraging.

better luck next time

Monday Motivation: Starting Weight

so this is the first monday since i started my 20 lb goal.
I weighed myself after i wrote this and came in at 153.5 lbs
yep there it is. my weight in the www.
ok moving on. i weighed in this morning at 151 lbs
thats a loss of 2.5 lbs.
who knows if this means anything cause my weight is about as stable as the utah weather.
bur once i get out of the 150's that will be the real test. i havent been in the 140's for years. literally.
so once i hit that i will feel that much closer to my goal.
im doing just two things.
portion control and excersizing.
im doing jillian michaels 30 day shred and let me tell you, that thing is not easy.
but it feels good once im done. its only a 20 minute workout but im wanting to die about 10 minutes into it and im only on level one (of 3).
im going to keep up with that, and watch my portions.
i dont eat out or eat much sweets or junk food so that helps as well of course.

so heres to a good week of more weight loss and staying motivated!!

ps. here is a link to the other weightloss blog i will be 'guest posting' on

Thursday, August 4, 2011

uh-oh spaghetti-O

since brock and i have been married
all 32 days
we have been making it a priority to really save money and eat healthier so we don't eat out anymore
i can literally count how many times we have eaten out on one hand and the total $$ spent was less than 25 dollars combined. we have been good at cooking good meals and trying new things and even usually have leftovers for lunch. but today.... no leftovers. so i grabbed the quickest thing from the pantry and ran out the door.
guess what i dont have ..... something to heat them up in!
so, today, i will be eating cold spaghettios, from the can.

wedding pics

i haven't got my wedding pics back from our photographer yet. grr.
i have a few that were taken by others and a couple from my phone.

here is one i took with my phone after we got married. even though brock doesnt look happy. he is. promise.
this is his seductive face. . .or something.
either way, he is sexy

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


so i know i have started this a million and one times through out my life....
the excersize.slash.lose weight goal.

well this time i am really going to do it.
i can and and i want to.
people transform their bodies all the time and i can to.

i have a high school friend who is in the same boat. she started a blog dedicated to just that. losing weight. i was pretty inspired by her, and her idea that i asked her if i could join her and be contributor to her weightloss blog. she of course said yes and a couple other people joined as well.
well she is going strong and i havent even started.
i told her i wanted to wait till i got back from my honeymoon. well thats been like 3 weeks now and i still havent started.
so im starting today.
ive decided that i may post on her blog, but mainly will be posting about my weightloss here.

im going to try at least every monday to update my progress here. im calling it motivation monday.
thats blog cheese worthy right!?

starting tomorrow i will weigh in, post my weight and start my excersize plan which will consist of walks/runs in the morning (till it gets cold) with my husband, then jillian michaels in the evening.
i want to do this every day, although i know things come up so i am going to commit to 4 times a week.
my weight loss goal is to lose 20 lbs.
i dont have a timeline, just however long it takes as long as i am sticking with my excersize plan.
i'll also try to watch my portions a little bit more along wiht excersize.

so, once again....
here goes nothin!

p.s if you wish to share with me some of the things that keep you motivated to excersize feel free! I need some tips!

i'd like mornings better if they started later

this is about what i look like in the morning.
minus the coffee
im getting up alot earlier than i used to before i got married.
just another one of those adjustments.
i used to get up at like 9-9:15 and be to work by 10.
after we got married i started waking up at 7 to be to work by 8.
thats a loss of 2 whole hours of sleep.
now im getting up at 5:45 to be to work at 7:30.
im sooooooo tired.

but early mornings are kinda nice.
beisdes the fact that im left at work feeling like my eyes could shut at any moment and not open for 2 hours

this morning (6am) i enjoyed a nice cool walk with my husband.
it rained last night so the air was cool and crisp with that hint of rain. the grass was damp and the sun was slowly rising. the morning was peacefull and quiet while people still slept in their beds.
other than the fact that i feel like i could fall asleep here at my desk,  it was a really nice start to the day.

after walks, the morning looks like this:

get ready
get lunch together
walk to my car
hug and kiss from the husband
and off to work.

I don't know if brock would consider himself a morning person, but he just pops out of bed in the morning. that alarm goes off and he is up and at 'em. not one hit of the snooze button or anything!
i envy that a little. i will hit the snooze button in the double digits in the morning.
i wish it was as easy to just pop out of bed and get going.
i drag.
all morning.

in other news......
my husband is so sweet.
ive been a total girl lately.
kinda winey, emotional, needy.
all of the above.
last night i cried. for no reason. the tears just came and i had no idea why
other than im a girl. and thats just what happens.
he came over to be close to me.sit with me and comfort me.
even though he didnt know what he was comforting.
when i said
 "thanks for beign so sweet even when im a crazy person"
he said
"you're not crazy! i understand! sometimes you just need a good cry and the little things will bring that on."
he is just so sweet.

im seriously very lucky. he is so patient with me.
being married has brough up some unexpected emotions and needs in me and he has been so so patient and understanding.
 which is saying ALOT, because those of you who know brock, know that is is not a very patient person.

annyways, as i have said before, i know that most of you dont care about my mornings, and most of you dont want to hear about me gush about my husband.
BUT this is my blog and my outlet and my journal basically.
these are things that my kids will hopefully be reading years from now.
our memories, our adventuers, even we did in the morning.
 i think about how fun it would be to read these same thigns that my mom did when she was first married. hopefully someday my kids will enjoy it.
until then, you get to!

btw its amazing how much better i feel when i have blogged.
i dont know what it is, but it really makes me feel better when i may not be feeling the best or when i break into my random crying for nothing modes =)

and for those of you who are wondering....
yes i really did it.....
ill post pics when i have some

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

la noche de miel

thats spanish for

we decided to go to texas on our honeymoon.
for the story on how we decided on that location, go here

we stayed in salt lake at the hilton the night we were married
 and then flew out the next morning bright and early.

we had a layover in dallas which was supposed to be a few hours, but turned into an over night stay. 
here's the story....
we boarded our flight from dallas to brownsville only to be told that the co pilot for the flight was no where to be found. they had us wait on the plane till they decided what was to be done. we waited..and waited.. and finally they had us de board the plane.
we then sat in the terminal and waited.. and waited.. only to find out that our flight had been cancelled. 
here we are, on the first day of our honeymoon, stuck in the airport in dallas.
no in our destination when we should be sitting at the pool.

long story short, we ended up staying in dallas for free, with free meals and flew out the next morning. 
the hotel we were staying at in south padre extended our stay for an extra night since we missed the first night due to our cancelled flight, so it all turned out ok. we ended up getting a free extra day of honeymooning. so rather than coming home on wednesday we cam home thursday. 
no complaints. (other than the 7 hours spent in the airport. no bueno) 

finally we arrived in south padre, rented a car (we got a little red cobalt!), stopped at best buy for a little wedding gift purchase, a GPS and headed to our hotel. 

some of the things we enjoyed most on our honeymoon:

bluebell ice cream
the beach
the sun
the fireworks
bluebell ice cream
alone time
bluebell ice cream
time away
eating alot

did i mention bluebell ice cream?!

my husband is a huge ice cream eater. 
me, not so much
my husband grew up in texas, where the infamous bluebell ice cream is sold. 
let me tell you this, 
it's all it's hyped up to be.
this coming from a non ice cream eater.
if you ever have the experience of tasting it, you have to try the cookies n'cream and the butter crunch.
oh my gosh. so good.
embarrassing fact:
the last day we were in south padre we literally went to every gas station and convenient store on the island looking for the butter crunch flavor. we must have got the last pint on the whole island the first time we got it cause there was none to be found. 

annyways, we also got to enjoy fireworks since we were there over the 4th of July. If you know me, you know my favorite holiday is the 4th and one of my favorite things are fireworks. and i got both while on my honeymoon. it was really great. they shot them off over the harbor. we went back to our hotel and there were people doing more on the beach so we had our own little private show from our hotel balcony. 
it was perfect. 
sitting there on the balcony with my new husband, over looking the ocean, eating bluebell ice cream, perfect weather, and fireworks.
it really was perfect. 

we also went to a couple movies while we were there. 
green lantern and transformers. 
i fell asleep through transformers. 

we ate alot.
a few good places on the island, but the best one was the last night we were there. 
Louies backyard. we ate on the water at sunset with the most gorgeous sunset and a mariachi band playing. 
it was amazing. 

we layed out at the pool, went to the beach, played, laughed and relaxed.
there isnt much  is nothing i would have changed. 
it was a great start to our marriage.
i just want to go back already!

here are some pics of our adventure.

One Month

well he has graciously put up with me for one whole month!
here's to many many more.

just for the record.....
i love him.