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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

"Mawage Mawage"

So, We have exactly 18 days.
It's insane how soon it is.
It doesn't feel real.
But I am soooo ready. And excited!

We have been getting what you might call marriage "advice", here and there.
You know, stuff like:

"Now remember Brock, the woman is always right"
which we strongly dis agree with....so stop telling us that.

"Communication is key"
which we already know, and thats why we are getting married....so stop telling us that

"Don't go to bed angry"

"Center your marriage aroung the Gospel"

Come on people!! We know all this already! I want some real marriage advice!
Brock and I both realize that marriage is going to be hard. It's going to be a challenge. It's not going to be daisies and roses all the time. But you never hear that! All people keep telling me is that marriage is so great! You will love it! It's bliss. Blah blah blah.
I'm sure (in comparison to being single till your nearly 30) ya it is bliss. But it can't be all the time.

So lay it on me!!
I want to hear the real stuff.
The dirt.
The downs of marrige.

I don't want to go into a marriage thinking that if we have problems, our marriage is doomed. Or we are doing something wrong. Or that if we annoy the crap out of eachother sometimes we aren't normal!

I have friends out there......YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE
who have been married for at least a year. (most closer to 6 yrs!)
who have experienced the highs AND THE LOWS of marriage.
I want to hear about it.
We are all human, and no one is perfect.
Not one single relationship out there is perfect.
It's ok to have problems.
I just need to know that it actually happens, and that people can actually talk about it and not be ashamed if their marriage isnt perfect.

So I call on ALL of you!!
If you dare to comment here.
DO it.
 even if its just anonoymously (sp?)
If not, email me.
Lets talk!
I want to know about the "other side of marriage"
The side that people don't talk about.



  1. Sometimes Jason and I think it IS ACTUALLY BETTER to go to bed angry!! Sometimes it's not even worth fighting about, and when you wake up, things are forgotten, and fresh and you didn't spend half the night hashing out something silly that just needed time to blow over. Sometimes a nights sleep gives you better understanding and perspective, if you ask me! :)

  2. Im not married haha but my old young adult leaders in my homeward said some of their favorite advice someone gave them once was that no matter how mad you are at each other, no one is allowed to sleep on the couch or the floor!

  3. Fight naked. Not kidding, its nearly impossible to keep fighting because you are laughing. Tmi? Maybe, but it works!

  4. Oh Ashlee....you get what you get and you don't get upset. Jk.
    I agree with Erin. Also...a king bed helps with that.

    My advice is to always read scriptures and pray together EVERY SINGLE DAY. I'm sure you've been told that one a few times but it is a good one and it is amazing the difference you feel when you do:)

    Also, don't get mad at him if he is not doing something the way you would do it (like cleaning, cooking, and parenting). And just remember that it is a choice to be happy and to love your spouse. It is not spontaneous all the time, you have to choose it again and again and again...

    Okay time to go eat some cookies.

    And ps.
    I gained 25lbs in my 1st year of marriage...ha!

  5. I know I haven't been married that long but ill give you some....:)
    Eric and I are both stubborn sometimes. ..so if you Are that way you need to just let go of some things...
    Also I would just say its not a competition and also surprise him whether it be by somethjng you plan, purchase or wear: ) you'll love being married!!

  6. I agree with e and a sometimes you just need to let go. That is so hard for me I am stubborn and emotional but sometimes you need to just let go of the stupid things. And you do sometimes need to go to bed angry and let things cool. Like Holly said just be happy he is cleaning and if you don't like how he did it either redo when he isn't looking or say I really appreciate you doing that next time maybe do this.... but don't get mad or nag because then he will stop. Keep up with your friends and go out every once in awhile for yourself so you won't resent him when he does. COMPROMISE but don't be the only one comprimising.
    Lacey (it isn't letting me log in)

  7. Know who you marry, having my "starter husband" helped me figure that one out fast;) but really, you will be at fault sometimes too. When you fight hold your tongue so you dont say something mean (cause you WILL fight) its not a competition, and your on the same team. take a vacation together at least once a year. Even if its camping or a quick weekend in st george, esp after the kiddos arrive. Its amazing what alone time can do when your out of your normal routine. You started off as friends and became lovers so remember that he's your best friend and try to treat him he way you treat a bedt friend, daily life can wear you down and youve got to keep it real.
    Take lots of pictures. Start your own traditions.
    Love you!

  8. When we first got married we had what we call "friday night fights" for some reason we would fight almost every friday night, they were all stupid and only lasted a few months, I used to get upset a lot easier then I do now. It is normal to argue, I think it's healthier to get some things out in the open and learn about each other and what upsets one another so you can work on it and avoide future problems. There are still things that annoy me about Aaron at times, but we get though it. Yes marriage can be hard but I would never give it up, the good times far out wiegh the bad, even when I'm so upset and just fumming I still know I love him more then anything. I agree to read scriptures and praying together daily it really stregthens your marriage and brings you closer together. Serve each other it makes them feel loved and makes your love for them stronger as well. Like holly said it's a choice to love him, keep choosing that again and again. Try not to be selfish that's when problems start to arise, that is easier said then done but it's the truth. Honestly though marriage is the best and you will love it even through all the ups and downs, it's the hard times that make you stronger.
    Stef-it won't let me sign in either

  9. I agree that sometimes it's better to go to bed angry. Also, when you're fighting, don't walk away from each other, that's our biggest issue. We both do it, and it both makes the other one WAY angrier. Ha ha. And try not to let the little things get to you, socks on the floor, stuff like that. Most fights are over something stupid, and you need to learn how to pick your battles. Also, read the five love languages. I love that book! But really, marriage is amazing for the most part, try and enjoy it because it's hard when he's out of town for some reason and you realize you don't appreciate him as much as you should. :) Good luck and congrats!

  10. I am glad that everyone has agreed that sometimes it is better to go to bed angry. Really whoever came up with that gave the worst advice ever.

    My advice to you would be this: don't share too many details with too many people. This applies to a couple of things, 1st don't share details of the bedroom. What happens in there is personal and sacred. When we were first married we had couple friends that were always talking about that stuff and I always felt I would be embarrassed if Ben ever did that and it might make me self conscious. We also had a member of the stake come talk to our married ward about it so it must be a problem.

    2nd, one time when Ben and I had a fight I called my mom and told her all the details because I was upset. This was a bad move because I think it made her like Ben less. He said some things in the heat of the moment that he regrets and didn't really mean. I know that, but others will always be less quick to forgive them because they are protective of you.

    And most of all just remember that you are in it for the long hall which means learning to fight fair, not being overly dramatic, and not being too proud to be the one who says I'm sorry.

    Be selfless and considerate. If you are going to get yourself a glass of water, be considerate of your spouse and ask if they'd like one too, every time.

    Remember everyone has their quirks. My husband has ocd about washing our hands before touching electronics. I think it's weird but I comply because I know it's important to him.

    Most of all, if you know now that he is "the one" now, know he's the one later. In other words the best way to avoid wondering if you married the right one, is by not. Just don't do it. Remember the answer you got when you prayed and don't doubt it.

    Oh and of course monthly temple attendance and keep your lives centered around the gospel.